You read that right, this is Carie posting a blog.  I know it's been a really long time, because I had to think really hard about my log on ID.  I just finished The Firm and am feeling all healthy so I decided to update everyone.  I'm getting comfortable at my current weight (around 146)  which is a scary place to be (not the weight but comfortable).  It's been nice to hear compliments that I look great (and I do mind you), but I'm not where I want to be.  I need to be more diligant about my food intake and better about keeping my work-out routine.  For awhile I was running three times a week and doing The Firm twice.  The last few weeks I've just been running sporadically.  I'm for sure in a size 10 these days and my boobs have shrunk (I'm still stacked).  I'm going to work on running longer and entering another 5K.

 

Carie

Yes, I did lose 3.2 pounds this week, even with the holiday, and the long weekend...thank you very much! For the first time since beginning this effort to lose weight, I faithfully tracked points using the Weight Watchers flex point system, and I think I finally "get" why it works. I tried it for a few days at a time in the past, but always thought it was no different than tracking calories. I was used to tracking calories, and it was easy for me, so I always opted for that instead. While I tracked my points, I realized that I was more mindful about the variety of foods I ate, always opting for more high fiber choices verses a lower calorie snack or food that was not as nutritious. I also made sure to use my points for the suggested amounts of milk, fruits, and vegtables. At the end of the day, if I hadn't eaten all of my points, I thought it was awsome that I was able to add a bonus, but still healthy, snack to my day. And, the two days I went over my points for the day, I chalked it up to those flex points you get, and didn't even feel guilty about it!

 

I felt organized and satisfied with my eating this week. Wether I am writting down my calories, or keeping points, staying organized and faithful with tracking every bite, seems to be a must for me. I think I may prefer the points system though because it takes a little bit of stress out of things for me, and keeps me more focused. I know this is new and exciting for me, and I will need to stay really focused to keep seeing results, but I am so glad to have a new program, that I have faith in, to follow. I have never been to a meeting, and I am not a member, but Carie is. The past year she has given me WW program info to follow three times, and I think everything kind of sunk in for me this go round and actually worked! So thanks again Carie!

  

My hubby and I stayed at a hotel on Saturday to celebrate our 7th anniversary. We have a two year old and a four year old, so uninterrupted time alone is almost non-existant for us. Our night out was great, and I really felt like we got a chance to be Vicky and Binoy again, instead of Mom and Dad.   

 

In fact, I was having such a great and carefree time, that I overindulged at dinner and had a blondie walnut sundae at midnight. It has been months since I have actually ordered a dessert off of a menu, and I have to admit that it was pretty good. But you know, it wasn't really all that good, and I had that dreadful full-bellied guilty feeling afterwards. On Sunday, I followed up my night of unhealty eating with two biscuts with gravy, scrambled eggs and an apple. I actually didn't even want the apple, but I thought eating it would somehow react against the biscuts.  

 

I guess I was coming down off of the emotional high from Saturday, because the rest of Sunday didn't go so well either. I was grateful that the next day was Monday because there is something strangely magical about that day of the week. It signifies a new beginning for those of us who fall off track. And thank god for new beginnings because I have needed lots of them!

 

It is Tuesday evening, and so far so good. I know it is going to be a great week!

Today I am lacking inspiration. I haven't heard from any teams for awhile, and it has me a little bummed. Carie and I are still working towards our goals and we both have greatly improved our lifestyle when it comes to diet and exercise. I don't want to speak for Carie, but I think she would agree that we both need a little more help in the diet area. For example, I was over today for a playdate, and we ate a semi-healthy, half-way decent lunch, but we also both dug into our kids leftover chicken nuggets and french fries.

Eating two nuggets and a few fries is not so bad considering that I have, in the past, eaten a nine-piece with a large fries and a large regular coke. However, it was definatley an indulgence that I should have and could have skipped if I want to continue to lose weight. Since I really believe that I am consistant and on the right path in the exercise department, most of my weight loss now has to come from me eating the right foods, in the right amount, at the right time. The problem for me now, is that my emotions are still getting in the way on occassion, and I still feel like I haven't figured out exactly what works for and with my body in the food department.

I have plenty of books. I have studied and experimented with different food combinations and numbers of calories, but I am getting a little discouraged. I had a rough time over Memorial Day weekend, and had a hard time getting back on track with healthy eating again. Although I feel like I have been doing well with my diet for the past two weeks, I am still not seeing the best results on the scale.

I picked up Bob Greene's newest book, and I am hoping to get some new inspiration and ideas from that. One thing that I read that I thought was pretty profound was that losing weight will not make you happy, but being happy will make you lose weight. I had two fabulous weeks where I lost a total of seven pounds, and I am not sure how it happened. I followed the same eating plan and exercise regimine after that, even challanging up some, and nothing happened. I was really positive and happy during those weeks though, so maybe there is something to that. I guess I need to dig deep, stay positive, and make and stay foused and organized with my diet. Now I'm off to clean my house!  

I took it easy this week because I was still recovering from the flu or pnemonia, or whatever I had. I took my two-year-old to the doctor on Wednesday, and her doctor said that she had pnemonia. I had similar symptoms, so I am pretty sure that's what I had as well. Either way, we were both on antibiotics and coughing our lungs up all week.

 

I am happy to report that we are both doing much better today. I did my first really challenging work out, since getting sick, this morning. There is an instructor at the gym who means business, and she does a Cardio Abs class from 9:00-10:00, and a Body Pump class from 10:00-11:00. Now when I say she means business, her classes are tougher than the boot camp I signed up for, you have to get there 30 minutes early to get a spot, and most of the women that take her class are RIPPED. This is the second time I've signed up for her classes, and I think they are going to be a regular part of my week. She teaches two consecutive classes Thursday evenings, and two on Sunday mornings. I really think that if I want to continue to lose, I need to be challenged, and her classes are certainly that.

 

On a similar note, my Boot Camp trainer really made me suffer on Friday. Friday was my first attempt at strength training this week, and I swear I was on my hands and toes in push up position for most of the hour. And then, just for fun, he had me do a bilzzillion walking lunges while he applied FORCE (he calls it resisitance) to my shoulders. My thighs were singing after that workout. I planned to stay for another hour, but I had nothing left when I was done.

 

So tommorrow I have another Boot Camp session scheduled for 9:00AM, and I am going to do and hour of cardio on the machines after that. I'm pretty thrilled with my 3.6 pound loss over the past two weeks, and I am looking forward to working out while not being so sick. I planned a challenging week of exercise for this week, so burn baby burn!

So, yes I lied on my driver’s license.  Go ahead arrest me!  I think at the time I was pregnant, or maybe just hopeful that one day I would once again see 140.  And here I am so close.  I really am so excited to be this close. I’ve really focused on my weight loss the last month.  I’m taking it very seriously.  I’m following the Weight Watchers points and logging everything I eat.  No free days but I do use my flex points (all of you WW will know what I’m talking about).  I’m jogging approximately three miles three times a week, and I do The Firm on two days.  So, I’m working out five times a week and have had consistent weight losses for the last month.  It’s working and I don’t feel like I’m struggling.  It’s a life style change and not a diet anymore.  I like it this way. 

 

 

On Wednesday I thought I was coming down with a little something, but I got progressively worse as the week went on. I took Thursday off of exercising, and although I felt pretty awful Friday evening, I felt I needed to try to do something at the gym. By Friday evening around 11:00PM, I was completely wiped out, and I have been sleeping and soaking in hot baths ever since. I saw a doctor today, and he told me that I have a late onset flu-like virus. Although he suggested an antibiotic, there is really not much I can do to make myself start feeling better.

 

So, I did not work out Saturday or today, and I haven't weighed myself since Wednesday after my workout. I think with the combination of no exercise and my need for comfort foods, I probably did not do too well this week. I hope that I turn the corner on Monday, and that I am feeling well enough to return to the gym. I can not remember the last time that I felt this awful for this long. I had high hopes for this week and it started out to be very promising. But there is nothing I can do now about my sick days and salty binges except to keep moving forward.

 

That was going to be my title if I gained this week. I kept weighing myself throughout the week and I kept getting anywhere between 180 and 182. I was getting really bummed because I had two huge weight losses in a row, about two weeks ago, and I thought I may have figured out my own personal key to weight loss success. However, I had a loss of .8 pounds last week, and I thought that maybe it was because I didn't fill out my food journal all week and wasn't as careful with my diet as I had been the previous two weeks. This week, I kept the carbs and sugars under control, wrote every bite down, and stayed around 1500 calories. In addition to working out HARD six days, I added personal training boot camps to my workouts twice this week. I really expected a bigger loss this week with the change up in my routine. The sessions were mostly strength focused and they really pushed me.

 

I talked to the trainer doing the sessions and his response to my loss was that I put on a pound of lean muscle and lost a pound of fat this week. I want to believe that, but I also want to see the numbers on the scale go down more quickly. Carie is hopeful that I might have a good loss this week, so I am going to try not to dwell on the numbers too much and I am going to try to stay positive. All of the people out there who say that losing weight is as simple as burning more calories than you take in is soooooo WRONG! It is much more complex than that and the workouts, combination of foods, and amount of calories it takes to lose weight differs, not only for each individual, but also can differ from week to week. Wish me luck this week!

This week was a little rough. I was so trying to stay positive, and I got into a little bit of a funk on Monday. The reason for my funk is really not important, and looking back, it was a silly reason. Nonetheless, a funk is a funk. I still worked my buns off this week at the gym. I went to a few new classes, and really pushed myself. What I failed to do this week was have a meal plan, and write down what I was eating. I guess I got back into my old way of thinking, and thought that as long as I made good choices, I would do ok.

 

Not only is writting everything down neccessary, it is one of the things that really works for me. If I needed further confirmation, I proved it to myself this week through my 0.8 pound weight loss. And it really isn't just writting things down. For me, it also means that I have to plan out all of my meals and snacks and stay on a pretty regular eating schedule. It really does take a lot of effort to do it, but it WORKS.  The planning helps me by taking some of the pressure out of deciding what to eat when I am hungry. I don't have to worry about making a poor choice, or emotional eating when the choice is made and the food is already there waiting for me. The schedule keeps me from skipping snacks or eating late, which keeps my hunger under control. Writting everything down works in a lot of ways. It ensures that I am actually eating enough calories, keeps me accountable for my schedule and the types of foods that I am eating, and it helps me figure out the foods that help me lose weight. For example, the weeks that I lost more weight, I cut back on "white" carbs and sugars, and ate more calories in fruits, vegtables, protien, and fats. Yes, I said FATS! I used more olive oil, ate peanut butter, and snacked on nuts.

 

I am happy about my loss this week though, and am going to make every effort to stay positive about the work that I did put in. I think I needed this week to happen because it was a good lesson for me. So what I have learned is to "stay positive" and to take the time to organize my meal plans and write everything down. I am going to try not to view this as a burden, but as taking care of myself instead.   

Keeping a positive attitude really has made a huge difference in my approach to weight loss and life. I have been making a concious effort to push all the negative, self-defeating thoughts away and it has helped me make better choices and make things a whole lot more enjoyable. I was whining like a baby about how hard it was to lose weight and when I changed my perspective, losing weight immediately became "doable". Now that I am on the right path, it seems so obvious. However, nothing seems clear when your mind is stuck in a negative place. Will I hit another plateau? Of course I will. But I know that I can, and will push through. I lost another 3.4 pounds this week and that is freaking fantastic!   

My life has been so hectic lately.  I've either been out of town or had guests from out of town.  My workout routine and diet have suffered because of it.  This week I've been really motivated.  I don't know if it's the warmer weather or me just being sick of hoping and wishing I'll lose weight but doing nothing about it.  I'm doing weight watchers and I don't track my points.  How stupid is that?  Why am I even paying for it?  So this week I decided I would do it.  Even if I go over, I'm writing down everything.  I need to get my moneys worth.  I've jogged 2 times this week and did The Firm one day.  I've worked in the yard, walked all over the zoo and cleaned my house.  All with the hope of not only losing some pounds this week but also changing my life. 

 

I ran (jogged) a 5K on April 5th and I jogged the whole way.  No walking for me.  I was so proud of myself.  I finished in 38 min 45 sec.  Yay for me.  My goal was to jog the whole thing and I did it.  Now I'm trying to jog more.  Since the weather has been nice, I take my kids in the morning and jog with them in the stroller.  This is way harder than just going by myself.  Not only do I have the extra weight of the stroller, but I have a whole new annoyance factor.  If you have a 3 year old or have ever had a three year old you know what I mean.  It's hard to answer a trillion questions when you can barely breath.  Also I have to make sure she's not injuring her 10 month old brother.  Ah such is life.  Now that it is warmer I have no more excuses why I can't jog outside.  Here is a picture of me after I crossed the finish line.  I got a medal for participating.  Here's one of me before the race.  It was so cold, like 30 something degrees.

 

I am so ecstatic that I lost 3.6 pounds this week! I have really been focusing on staying positive, which I think made me stronger and more in control of my food choices. This week I had a plan, not just for my exercise regimine, but also for every single meal and snack I was going to eat. All of the planning took a lot of work, but it was so worth it to step on the scale at the end of the week and see some great results.

 

I got two recipie books and Bob Harper's latest book earlier this week as well, and I really enjoyed reading them and trying out some of the new recipies. Bob's book gave me some great new exercises to help me change up my routine, and also reinforced how important staying organized and diciplined with my diet is. I am taking my first day off of exercising after six days, and I am going focus on relaxing and enjoying the day with my family.

Yesterday I talked with Carie about this week's diet so far. She has been out of town a few times this past month, so we have been keeping eachother up to date on our progress via telephone. Anyway, I mentioned that, although it was only Tuesday, I felt like I was doing really well with my diet this week. Then I felt a little presumptuous, because it is afterall, only Tuesday.

 

Carie then told me that I should let myself feel good about my progress, and that she was once told at a Weight Watchers meeting, that you really have to measure your success one meal at a time. Here, I felt silly because I felt so victorious about two days of healthy eating. But, after our conversation, it kind of "clicked" for me that I really should take pride in every right decision I make towards becoming healthy, losing weight, and getting in shape.

 

I think it all goes back to the negative mindset I was told I had by a trainer at the gym. At the time, I was a little shocked by his revelation, and a little bit offended. But, when I step outside myself and consider this, I know that it is simply the truth. I spend so much time beating myself up about slow progress, slip ups in my diet, and what I am doing wrong in the gym, that it has become the focus of my effort to lose weight. It totally makes sense to me now that all of this negativity would hinder my progress.

 

To change my "negative mindset" I am going to allow myself to feel good about making the right choices instead of focusing on the mishaps. It seems so simple in theory, but I have had this defeatest attitude for years. I hope that I can get so used to feeling good, that it will become a natural state for me. It is difficult to admit that feeling bad is a natural state for me, but it probably has everything to do with the reason why I am overweight.

 

I am going to end this blog on that note, but I think I have just scratched the surface of a pretty complex issue for me. And yes, that actually makes me feel really good. So, good for me!

 

 

I was pretty hard on myself this week. I was feeling down and I was feeling fat and ugly. For the first three days of the week, I managed to write down every morsel I ate, and then on Thursday and Friday I chowed down. I neglected to write down what I binged on, because I was pretty ashamed. It has been a looong time since I overate like I did on Thursday and Friday. I think it has been at least three or four months. I am not really sure what triggered the binge. The fact that I was coming down with a nasty cold probably has a little to do with it. For some reason, my illogical brain thinks that filling up on comfort foods will make me feel better when I am sick. It, of course, never works, but that has yet to stop me.

 

I mentioned in a previous blog that I was ordering some books about nutrition, exercise, and motivation. Well, I ordered four, but I haven't gotten them yet. I feel like I need to put myself on reset, and these books will be a good tool to help me with the negative mindset I have had lately.

 

I thought my weight this week was going to be much higher, so I worked really hard at home on Friday, and in the gym on Saturday, and was really careful about what I ate. I gained a half a pound, but I was up 2+ earlier in the week, so my gain was not as bad as I thought it would be. I am still fighting and I am really trying to come to some kind of understanding of why I keep sabatoging my success. I went to see a therapist for the first time in my life over a year ago to try to address these very issues. After three or four sessions of sharing EVERYTHING in my life's history, I still did not feel like I was learning anything or benefiting from the sessions. I think it would help if I could find someone who worked specifically with those of us that are trying to lose weight, but it is impossible to find anyone here in St. Louis through my insurance. And I have tried more than once.

 

Having Carie as a friend has really helped keep me motivated. As cliche as it sounds, I really don't know what I would do with out her. Weight issues have always been a topic of conversation in our friendship, but having this site helps us look a little deeper. And despite my ups and downs, I still feel like being a part of this MPM community has helped me stay accountable and on track.

 

So, this weeks plan is to have a menu ready for the week. No more "fly by the seat of my pants" drive through meals.  I will write everything down, even if I have a rough day, and I am going to try a couple of new classes this week at the gym to change my routine up a bit. And most importantly, I am going to work on the negative attitude that has been plaguing me for the past couple of weeks. A trainer at the gym this week told me that I wasn't going to see results until I change my mindset. Easy to say, and hard to do, but I have to agree!      

Yeah. So I guess I am making a habit of this lying thing. I have to confess (again) that I did not write my food down again this week. I did eat a healthier and lower calorie diet this week, but I know that I would have done a little better if I had stuck to my grandiose proclimation from my last blog. So, although I am happy that I still lost a pound and a half, I am a little embarassed with my lack of follow through.

 

I worked my buns off in the gym yesterday and loved every minute of it. I am still very consistant with my exercise regimine, but I have got to get control of my food issues. I have some Biggest Loser books in my online shopping cart as well as another low calorie cookbook. I hope that helps, but I know the issues go deeper, and following a diet plan from a book may just be another band-aid for me.

I found my food and exercise journal from when I first began the Million Pound Match-Up. You know, it is an actual journal labled "Food and Exercise Journal". I opened it up and realized that I had only written in it for two days. In my defense, Carie and I have been really consistant with posting our workouts online, but we decided that an online food journal was a little borning to post, and that we were going to "write" everything down instead.

 

Well, I have to confess that I NEVER wrote ANYTHING down, nor have I been too diligent about carb or sugar control. I guess if I am going to be honest, I would have to say that I have been complaining to everyone about my slow weight-loss progress and pretending that I have no idea why my weight went up one week and down the next. I would tell everyone that I have been working my buns off in the gym, and I have been working my buns off in the gym, and everyone, including trainers and Carie, would tell me that I should be losing more weight based on the work I was doing. 

 

So guess what everyone? Mystery solved! My eating habits still stink, and they couldn't have been worse than this week. I am a big fat freaking liar. Not for lack of trying though. I tried to eat healthy, and I actually did most of the time. But looking back on the past three months, I can see where my eating habits failed me. I just finished a plate, probably two servings, of baked fries with ketchup and I have to wonder why I am fighting so hard in the gym. I ate six small pieces of pizza, a salad, and a small brownie for lunch! It is like the fat girl in me is playing a cruel joke on me. She is saying, "I'm going to show you skinny wanna be! I'm going to an all-you-can-eat pizza buffet right after you work out!"

 

So, am I lying to myself and everyone else about wanting to lose weight? Am I afraid? Do I feel like I don't deserve it? I don't have the answers for any of those questions....not tonight.  

I got back on Sunday evening and now I'm in the process of trying to regroup.  It was a really hard week.  A lot of eating out and indulging all of my snack cravings.  I went to the gym on 3 of the days but I don't feel like it was enough and based on my scale, it was right.  This weeks weigh in will not be good, I'm sure of it.  It was just a bump in the road and I can recover.  The 5K is in 3 weeks and I totally don't feel prepared.  I've got to get outside and run.  Our weather hasn't been cooperating lately but today looks like a good day.  I just don't know when I can go today.  I'll check the weather for tomorrow.  I just have to do it.  I did do some thrift store shopping while at my moms and got some size 12 pants.  All of my 14's are falling off of me and I don't want to spend a lot of money on a size I don't plan to be in for very long.  The 12's fit comfortably so I'm stoked about that. 

 

My hubby and I worked out last night after the kids went to bed.  It was so hard.  All I wanted to do was watch TV on the couch and veg out.  But I did it anyway.  I'm not going to say I enjoyed it because I didn't but I was glad I did it.  This week has been challenging trying to get myself back into the routine of working out and writing down my food.  It's going slowly but surely.  Luckily I have a supportive partner and a pushy husband. 

 

Carie